Three weeks ago I stopped thinking about the cancer. I mean Mike was getting stronger, and there was no treatment going on, so we had no reason to talk about it and it was nice. Forgetting that we were waiting to hear what it was doing in his body, we were enjoying the time we have together while he was getting his strength back. I am not saying that the thoughts ever went away totally, but now with days away from seeing the doctors and getting a new biopsy and an MRI, we have the cancer invading our mind space again. All the questions of did the treatment work? is it still there? has it spread? will I lose my husband?
When Mike was first told that he had stage 4 tonsil cancer we were of the mind that we wanted to get to the treatment and get it all over with so we could move on with life. Life isn't that simple. We have had to come to realize that cancer is going to be part of our lives for a long time, no matter what the outcome. Over the months it has become not so scary, we have adjusted to life at it is now, and we have grown accustomed to waiting with no real answers. What a miracle of God that is. What started out as a scary monster that we wanted to get rid of, has become learning to live along side of the monster instead.
Monday we will find out what the monster has been doing. By Tuesday we'll report it to you. There is even a chance that we will be told let's wait another month while we watch what the monster does. Can you imagine?
God is bigger than this monster and he holds Mike in the palm of His hands, that means He also holds the cancer in His hands, and His ways are going to be best. We are choosing to rest in that, and to trust in the ONE that holds our life in HIS hands.
We will HOLD FAST to HIM.
3 comments:
you guys look great!!
(the original baja bob)
I'm so grateful we have a God who doesn't fit in a box. Also that our heavenly Father does an such awesome job with the monsters in our lives! Reading your blog today reminded me of a song by Greg Long "in the waiting"
Time
Time to let it go and just believe
Trusting in what no one else but You can see
Free
Freedom from the fears that close me in
When I can't get beyond where I have been, but then
Again
The silence doesn't mean that I'm alone
As long as I can hear
That I am still Your own
(chorus)
I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting
God bless you both-Becky
How good is God! He invites us to Himself when monsters come... when my heart is overwhelmed,lead me to the rock that is higher that I.
Psalm 61:2
Steve L.
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