I am just beginning to really feel the magnitude of the last 6 months. I am in a state of disbelief that it is September. Where did the time go? I remember it, but don't feel as though I lived it. It is almost as if I am a story teller and not the one of the participants of the story itself. I think that this must be the way it feels to live through a major life crisis. You just do it.  You do what you have to, to get through. But what about when the dust settles? Do we stop and catch our breath or do we rush back into life and not reflect on what we have been through and what we have learned?

I am just realizing the impact that the cancer has had on us. The physical and emotional toll has been significant. I am still tired physically and emotionally. I wanted to jump back into life full force, but do I really? Am I ready? or do I need to take the time to come down from this roller coaster that we have been on for so long? 

Most of my life I have rushed from one thing to the next, and I wonder? Have I fully experienced anything? I don't rush to brush my teeth after I taste something wonderful, but rather let the taste linger in my mouth and savor it. Why do I not let life's experiences do the same. Whether a mountain top or valley experience, I think maybe it's important to take the time to rest, reflect and stabilize, getting the most from what the Lord has just taught me. If I take the time to reflect on what I learned,  and let it really sink in I will get to carry the blessings of it with me. 

With all that said, I am beginning to really "feel" what has happened to us. I am beginning to notice all the ways that our lives have changed. I am not ready to re enter the way life was, nor do I ever want to.  I like this new and uncomfortable thing that is happening in me. 

I don't really know what any of this yet means, but I am feeling things that I have never felt before, emotions and appreciation and love for people that make my heart hurt at a new level. A love of life and a sadness over the pain of others born out of a pain that I just lived. It's a very emotional time. I like it actually, and I don't want to rush through it. I am taking the time to experience whatever it was that we just lived and experienced. Processing and praising God for how He carried us through. Looking back over all the ways that He blessed and changed us. Thinking back on the pain and His comfort and strength. We are continuing to HOLD FAST trusting and believing that HIS ways are good, right, and perfect.

We love you guys!

Please don't stop praying. Mike has a PET scan in two weeks and we are praying that it would be clear of cancer, BUT.... if there is cancer lurking around in his body, we are praying that it would show up so it can be addressed.