I guess I should have expected that it would be this tough, but I somehow thought I would be the exception. That I would recover quickly and be just fine. After all I was in good shaped and always active. But cancer plays no favorites and it busted my butt.
Yesterday I asked two of my daughters, Rachel and Hope if I looked angry, and they said YES. I wasn't angry but they said that I had a perpetual scowl on my face. I was glad they told me the truth, but sad that it was so. Actually I see it every time I look in the mirror, and it creeps me out. I try to change it, but then I just look like a psychopath with a stupid grin. Another creepy thing? now that my face is so thin, my teeth look too big for my face.
Now I know all these things are temporary and that I am going to regain weight and my strength, and that with time I will recover from this treatment. Being patient and accepting of life on life's terms is hard, especially when you are the one in it. It is easier said than done.
And yet none if this is that important anyway, but it is my reality. I am not always a fan reality, because that means that I have to accept things as they are, and not as I would like them to be, and let go of my expectations and accept the truth as it is today.
My truth today is, I am going to HOLD FAST. I know that the Lord, my family, and friends love and support me. I'm going REST in that today.
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful"
Hebrews 10:23
6 comments:
Good Morning Mike,
Thank you for your words this morning. Thank you for holding fast during this treatment, for us, for the chance of more time with those of us who love you. Scowley face or not, it is the HEART of the man we love. We missed you last night.
Suzi
Isn't it ironic how all those things we say in recovery over and over again somehow come back and bite us in the butt? Well, here's one for ya...this too shall pass!
I appreciate your honesty, but I have to tell you this mornings blog was tough to read...I guess I want to hear that things are just peachy...but that is not your reality...and I am sorry for that.
Here is what I think...I think you need to just stop looking in the mirror, ok?
I will be praying for you, praying that if you do not take my advice and look in the mirror anyway, that you will see what the rest of us see and that is a Beautiful child of God!!! You glorify Him, Mike, and He loves you so much. You are special...Don't forget that.
By the way...The Millers ROCKED last night!!! The Holy Spirit was definitely in the house!! The band was awesome!! (I may be a little biased Hee Hee) I hope you were able to listen live (or will be able to this morning)
I love you guys.
Mike, I second what debbie p said stop looking in the mirror. It is your heart we love. I love you too Susan.
Ann
Aloha Mike,
I go to Hope Chapel but didn't get the opportunity to meet you and your wife. I check your blog regularly always hoping prayerfully that you are doing better. I'm so touched with your posts and I will continue to pray with all my heart that you get better each day. God will never give up on you and your family and it's okay to feel the way you do. Give your wife and daughters a hog at all times because they hurt when you hurt and probably hurt more than you can imagine.
Hang in there Brother.
gKali`nichta Michael....
I so appreciate your honest and open writings. I know how vulnerable that makes you, but it also allows us to pray more diligently and more specifically for your immediate needs.
As far as the mirror goes...the mirror only reflects the outside...your beauty and real self are inside. Your soul reflects the spirit of Christ and that is beautiful.
Joke for the day....
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"
"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.
"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.
"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
I will continue to hold you and Susan up in prayer as your body is restored to health.
Much love and prayers...
Υ i`a sou...
Sophia
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